Feb 06 2011
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Mister Daniel Clowes describing perfectly the agony of being a creator, questioning one’s abilities…What darkness presides when doubt comes to play. I’ve wanted to pick up and push my pen. I can’t seem to bring myself to it. It’s not for lack of strength. Nothing like dwelling in first world fortitude. Perhaps it’s lack of momentum. Or perhaps its the lack of vocabulary. I can find little to say sometimes, know the words will lack that visceral quality that keeps the attention of others. The goal to humor or summon sincerity with dialogue. I’ve been troubled these last few weeks internally. It seems as though the elements of my life are mid-air, floating and unable to be possessed. The whole of my body knowing very well that they drift only because I push. I’m pretty set on settling into myself with or without them. In a few weeks I will have dusted off change and opened my eyes in another room. And with that change: a lack of comfort. A realization that movement must be constant. I wanted this step backward to be a step forward. Feared a step into stagnation. So the key is to push and continue to push. To strive for a future unbound by regret and sadness, a future that is tethered to hope and conviction to supercede ones faults.  Currents: Listening to Horse Feathers: House with No Name.Finished reading The Poisonwood Bible. Watched the following films and shows as of late: Black Swan, Misfits, The Community, Creation, Cosmos.

Mister Daniel Clowes describing perfectly the agony of being a creator, questioning one’s abilities…What darkness presides when doubt comes to play.

I’ve wanted to pick up and push my pen. I can’t seem to bring myself to it. It’s not for lack of strength. Nothing like dwelling in first world fortitude.

Perhaps it’s lack of momentum. Or perhaps its the lack of vocabulary. I can find little to say sometimes, know the words will lack that visceral quality that keeps the attention of others. The goal to humor or summon sincerity with dialogue. I’ve been troubled these last few weeks internally. It seems as though the elements of my life are mid-air, floating and unable to be possessed. The whole of my body knowing very well that they drift only because I push. I’m pretty set on settling into myself with or without them.

In a few weeks I will have dusted off change and opened my eyes in another room. And with that change: a lack of comfort. A realization that movement must be constant. I wanted this step backward to be a step forward. Feared a step into stagnation. So the key is to push and continue to push. To strive for a future unbound by regret and sadness, a future that is tethered to hope and conviction to supercede ones faults. 

Currents:

Listening to Horse Feathers: House with No Name.
Finished reading The Poisonwood Bible. 
Watched the following films and shows as of late:
Black Swan, Misfits, The Community, Creation, Cosmos.