Jan 08 2011

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That’s how I spend my saturday mornings. Old Japanese movies. I’ve been rewatching what little stash I do have. It’s something I like to do alone. I don’t think watching these films would be the same if I was watching them with others. I sort of like that. So in March I turn 30. I have somehow in the course of things (and me thinking I’m making the right life decisions)…made it back to live in OK twice in the last ten years. This place is a fucking vacuum. Void of matter? Debatable. Regardless I’ve been in a very unrelenting state of mind. One that involves me constantly questioning my every move, this wouldn’t be an issue, but I am one to constantly question. So it’s like over-drive. I can’t seem to concentrate and my yearning to better myself always gets put off for thoughts of living somewhere other than here.  Most people feel at home with where they are. Most people. What do I know of most people. Most people bitch and moan and go to work just the same as me. It’s life. We are all such grand specimen. Us the living and those the dead. So I’m nothing special. Why am I ranting? Probably because I haven’t typed this out for myself. I’ve only thought about it. Internalized to the point of complete saturation of my being.  This is where I stop my rant and tell you what I’ve been up to. I went to California to see my good friend Ashley and her little girl Claire. If you haven’t visited my flickr, you need to. She’s a cool kid full of personality and even knows how to beatbox and shoulder shrug. She has no idea how strong her mother is and I only hope that she realizes this as she becomes more and more perceptive to the world around her… Otherwise when she’s like 16 and all like “I hate you Mom!You suck! You don’t understand me!” and she’s being a pain in the ass to her mother, I might have to go put her in her place. Nah, she’ll figure it out. She’s a smart one. California was as could be expected: A breath of fresh air. I got off the plane and breathed deep the lack of dust and the coastal breeze. It was wonderful and even though it rained the whole time I was there I was: 1. so grateful to be out of Oklahoma I didn’t care 2. At peace because I actually like it when it’s grey and “crappy” outside 3. It reminded me of Seattle. ( Oh the Pacific Northwest how I long for you ). It was great to hang out with Ashley and Claire and get to see the Alexanders’. I felt like we crammed a lot of stuff into very little time and were able to enjoy the pre-christmas outings. ( Old Sacramento, San Francisco, etc ) Hopefully they had a good time with me around too. It was also fun to see things around Vacaville and it have a vague tinge of nostalgia for me.  I was super grateful for everything this holiday season, from the California trip and all the food and goods times had, to the two days spent with Julianne at my parents house in Altus. To hanging with other friends and being able to survive all the business which is the holidays. I felt like I did such a shit job this year with everyone. Not being able to reciprocate the wealth of goods and love that I was receiving. It was eye-opening and humbling to say the least. So I’m sorry if I let anyone down in 2010… And now that we are into 2011 I can’t say that I will be 100% where I need to be, or at least that’s what I’ve been thinking about lately. My constantly being grateful for what I have and my constant yearning to be more and have more.  Top 10 Questions in my head as of late: 1. How the hell did you end up back here.2. What are you doing with your life? Physically/Mentally/Artistically/or otherwise3. Where is the eject button? or the exit? Because I got to go4. What direction are you going to go? Serious, get back to me on that.5. What are you contributing to this world?6. Is there a way to influence this place AND get out of here at the same time?7. Am I destined to be something greater, or is this just it?8. When is this poor college lifestyle going to end?9. Why aren’t you drawing right now?10.  When will I get to surf/own my bus/do work I actually enjoy? *Bonus: Why the hell do you spend so much time complaining. Get off your ass. Currents: ( Some of these books have been read… Movies watched etc.) Vinyl:Four Tet ( Thanks Mom/Dad )Broken Social Scene ( Thanks Mom/Dad )Mount Eerie:Dawn ( Thanks Leah )Miles Davis: Round Midnight ( Thanks Leah )Simon and Garfunkel: Bridge over Troubled Water ( Thanks Leah ) Books:The Poisonwood Bible ( Thanks Sis )The Acme  Novelty Date Book ( Thanks Leah )The Paper Boy ( Thanks Ashley ) The Drawings of BoneThis is New York (M. Lasek)( Found for 3 bucks at Hastings! ) The Great Paper Caper ( Oliver Jeffers ) Watching:Seven Samurai ( Thanks Mom )The Magnificent Seven ( Thanks for letting me borrow that Benton )The Hidden FortressYojimboYouth of the BeastJonsi-Go Quiet ( Thanks Chris ) * and I just had pizza with Chris and Sadie last night and we watched Talledega Nights, and tonight we had Pancakes and watched Step Brothers.  Anyhow… I’m too lazy to link for you, hopefully you’re not too lazy to look them up. Hit me up peoples.

That’s how I spend my saturday mornings. Old Japanese movies. I’ve been rewatching what little stash I do have. It’s something I like to do alone. I don’t think watching these films would be the same if I was watching them with others. I sort of like that.

So in March I turn 30. I have somehow in the course of things (and me thinking I’m making the right life decisions)…made it back to live in OK twice in the last ten years. This place is a fucking vacuum. Void of matter? Debatable. Regardless I’ve been in a very unrelenting state of mind. One that involves me constantly questioning my every move, this wouldn’t be an issue, but I am one to constantly question. So it’s like over-drive. I can’t seem to concentrate and my yearning to better myself always gets put off for thoughts of living somewhere other than here.  Most people feel at home with where they are.

Most people. What do I know of most people. Most people bitch and moan and go to work just the same as me. It’s life. We are all such grand specimen. Us the living and those the dead. So I’m nothing special. Why am I ranting? Probably because I haven’t typed this out for myself. I’ve only thought about it. Internalized to the point of complete saturation of my being. 

This is where I stop my rant and tell you what I’ve been up to. I went to California to see my good friend Ashley and her little girl Claire. If you haven’t visited my flickr, you need to. She’s a cool kid full of personality and even knows how to beatbox and shoulder shrug. She has no idea how strong her mother is and I only hope that she realizes this as she becomes more and more perceptive to the world around her… Otherwise when she’s like 16 and all like “I hate you Mom!You suck! You don’t understand me!” and she’s being a pain in the ass to her mother, I might have to go put her in her place. Nah, she’ll figure it out. She’s a smart one. California was as could be expected: A breath of fresh air. I got off the plane and breathed deep the lack of dust and the coastal breeze. It was wonderful and even though it rained the whole time I was there I was: 1. so grateful to be out of Oklahoma I didn’t care 2. At peace because I actually like it when it’s grey and “crappy” outside 3. It reminded me of Seattle. ( Oh the Pacific Northwest how I long for you ). It was great to hang out with Ashley and Claire and get to see the Alexanders’. I felt like we crammed a lot of stuff into very little time and were able to enjoy the pre-christmas outings. ( Old Sacramento, San Francisco, etc ) Hopefully they had a good time with me around too. It was also fun to see things around Vacaville and it have a vague tinge of nostalgia for me. 

I was super grateful for everything this holiday season, from the California trip and all the food and goods times had, to the two days spent with Julianne at my parents house in Altus. To hanging with other friends and being able to survive all the business which is the holidays. I felt like I did such a shit job this year with everyone. Not being able to reciprocate the wealth of goods and love that I was receiving. It was eye-opening and humbling to say the least. So I’m sorry if I let anyone down in 2010… And now that we are into 2011 I can’t say that I will be 100% where I need to be, or at least that’s what I’ve been thinking about lately. My constantly being grateful for what I have and my constant yearning to be more and have more. 

Top 10 Questions in my head as of late:

1. How the hell did you end up back here.
2. What are you doing with your life? Physically/Mentally/Artistically/or otherwise
3. Where is the eject button? or the exit? Because I got to go
4. What direction are you going to go? Serious, get back to me on that.
5. What are you contributing to this world?
6. Is there a way to influence this place AND get out of here at the same time?
7. Am I destined to be something greater, or is this just it?
8. When is this poor college lifestyle going to end?
9. Why aren’t you drawing right now?
10.  When will I get to surf/own my bus/do work I actually enjoy?

*Bonus: Why the hell do you spend so much time complaining. Get off your ass.

Currents: ( Some of these books have been read… Movies watched etc.)

Vinyl:
Four Tet ( Thanks Mom/Dad )
Broken Social Scene ( Thanks Mom/Dad )
Mount Eerie:Dawn ( Thanks Leah )
Miles Davis: Round Midnight ( Thanks Leah )
Simon and Garfunkel: Bridge over Troubled Water ( Thanks Leah )

Books:
The Poisonwood Bible ( Thanks Sis )
The Acme  Novelty Date Book ( Thanks Leah )
The Paper Boy ( Thanks Ashley )
The Drawings of Bone
This is New York (M. Lasek)( Found for 3 bucks at Hastings! ) 
The Great Paper Caper ( Oliver Jeffers )

Watching:
Seven Samurai ( Thanks Mom )
The Magnificent Seven ( Thanks for letting me borrow that Benton )
The Hidden Fortress
Yojimbo
Youth of the Beast
Jonsi-Go Quiet ( Thanks Chris )

* and I just had pizza with Chris and Sadie last night and we watched Talledega Nights, and tonight we had Pancakes and watched Step Brothers.


 Anyhow… I’m too lazy to link for you, hopefully you’re not too lazy to look them up. Hit me up peoples.